Hello dear legal community and loyal Assist supporters. Hope you had a good week. Happy October! Only 3 months left till 2026. Wow! Where has the time gone?
A sobering reflection for you on time: if we work 80 hours per week, sleep 8 hours per day and live an average life of 73.5 years, we are spending 71.4% of our waking hours working. That’s a massive investment of energy. Our work can be hugely meaningful but also extremely costly should it be misaligned with our deeper values. Also, making more money or making partner does not seem to make up for it. The research shows they have little to no correlation with increase in subjective well being.
It seems practically unanimous that having meaning and purpose in work and life is deeply connected to what it means to “flourish” or live a fulfilling life. Getting clarity on why we do the work we do and why it matters is not something we should put off for later. Reflecting on the meaning of life was in fact the genesis of today’s blog.
I intended to write Part 2 of my blog from 2 weeks ago. In that piece I shared the view that life should not be seen as an endless to-do list, but a gift, and that living in survival mode focusing solely on our productivity is not only harmful to us physically, psychologically and emotionally, but it also can dull our spirit and disconnect us from our essence. Our soul is where I believe we will uncover our true meaning, presence, love, peace and joy and all the things that truly matter in life.
I have been challenging myself to view life from a different perspective because I have come to believe perspective is everything. It determines how we see ourselves, others and the world around us. Once we make the choice to change our perception, we change our destiny. This is because when we change our lens of perception about the things we perceive in our world, the things in our world begin to change. Not by wishful thinking but by operation of natural law. See this article for crash course on perception.
I intended to go much deeper into the nature of reality and its hidden laws and why understanding how changing our perspective from ego preservation to soul/consciousness evolution is so transformational for our health, however, I have decided to switch gears for now. “Going with the flow” is a life philosophy I have embraced as of late (and highly recommend), so I decided not to force it. Apologies. I hope you will appreciate this new topic. I hope to return to Part II in the near future.
Today is October 1, 2025. This evening will start the most meaningful day in Judaism, Yom Kippur. In honour of this day, I felt compelled to write about the impact of chronic self judgment on our health as lawyers. I have concluded that Yom Kippur may actually offer a solution for us to consider, regardless of faith or beliefs. Please do not stop reading thinking this is turning “religious”.
The fact I am writing about Yom Kippur is surprising even to myself. Despite having a highly orthodox family I did not embrace it. I had more fear than faith. I am the only person I know who came out Hebrew day school not being able to speak or even understand the language, although somehow, I can read it fluently. I am still searching for the psychological answer to that one.
After surviving cancer and working on my recovery, I was surprised to discover that spiritual health is a core component of overall well-being. Since then, I have steadily become more spiritual in my outlook. After being given this wonderful opportunity to combine my passion about mental health with my legal career, I’ve often felt hesitant to offer a spiritual or soulful perspective on the mental health issues we are facing, individually and collectively in our chosen profession.
It may be surprising to some to know the ABA’s Well-Being Toolkit (page 7) and Well-Being Pledge Campaign includes spirituality in its multi-dimensional model of wellness.
Also, the Institute for Wellbeing in Law discusses spirituality as a core component of wellbeing. In his book, Finding Joy and Satisfaction in the Legal Life, Steven Keeva described spirituality as the experience of coming alive, vital, awake, and aware. He defined it as “An everyday practice of connecting with the inner part of ourselves that is sensitive to the deepest most nuanced levels of meaning in our lives.”
It appears that turning our attention inward is one of the most effective ways in which to find true meaning in our lives. I have heard many people (lawyers included) use the phrase “soul sucking” to describe their work life. Not many legal professionals promote the soul. I have often wondered why that is. Some say it’s because there is no money to be made doing it. Fortunately, ASSIST is a non-profit.
Back to Yom Kippur. Here’s a quick primer. It literally means “Day of Atonement” and is the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. It’s the culmination of the “Ten Days of Awe”, a period of deep introspection which began on the start of the Jewish new year on the lunar calendar (Rosh Hashanah). The divine judgment of God is said to be sealed on Yom Kippur. When God judges our actions and intentions and inscribes our fate for the coming year. If we were righteous throughout the year we would be sealed in the “book of life” and have a “sweet year” filled with good health, wealth, peace and happiness. If, however, we were not so virtuous then the focus shifts to teshuvah (return), tefillah (prayer), and tzedakah (charity), being the three pillars that shift divine judgment.
Jewish law requires fasting (no food or water) for 25 hours. Many attend synagogue and show respect to the divine by standing up while they pray. I can still remember the smelling salts the elderly would use (in case they felt faint – any many did).
Given the ominous and somberness of the event, it can be rather terrifying for a child who likely does not fully understand the nuances involved - that it is not about fearing eternal punishment or damnation. There is actually no concept of “hell” in Judaism – it emphasizes purification and return – inviting the soul to remember its divine origin and return to its true essence.
From a Kabbalistic (Jewish Mysticism) perspective, judgment is a divine mechanism for soul alignment, energetic refinement, and spiritual evolution – not condemnation but returning to Truth. In Kabbalah, judgment (Din) is contracting in nature, while loving kindness (Chesed) is expansive. Together they create balance. Din is the force that separates truth from illusion, helping the soul shed what is untrue and return.
A “sweet year” can be seen as a metaphor for living in energetic harmony or alignment with your true unconditioned higher self. Kabbalists teach that every thought, word, and action creates energetic imprints. Yom Kippur is the day when those imprints are reviewed and reflected upon, not to punish, but to invite recalibration and realignment.
Kabbalistcically the soul that still clings to the lower self or ego (selfish desires, pride, arrogance, fear, distortion, etc.) experiences energetic disconnection and so is “written” into a lower vibrational field leading to affliction, confusion, and spiritual stagnation (“hellish” states) but thankfully even this is said to be temporary. The soul may choose to return at any time. The Zohar teaches that even the harshest judgments are rooted in unconditional love, designed to awaken the soul to its divine nature.
Gradually I’ve started seeing things from a quantum perspective. The discoveries in quantum physics have opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed. This is why I think Yom Kippur is so powerful. It can be seen as a portal for quantum transformation, where we consciously audit our soul, not to shame but to realign and vibrationally reset – where our ego dissolves and our higher self reclaims the throne.
Growing up I did not look forward to Yom Kippur - that’s the polite way of putting it. It was only as I got older that my perspective on it began to evolve. I began to view it as a sacred opportunity for self-reflection, renewal and re-connection with my soul – to rise above my egoic conditioned self, the identify I’ve used to navigate my world (what in Buddhism is called the “false self”). It was the Buddha who taught clinging to the false self leads to dukkha (suffering), because of its impermanence.
Just think about how harshly we tend to judge ourselves almost all of the time. No other species, it seems, has the capacity to torture themselves for past mistakes like humans do. But lawyers as a group seem to be particularly hard on themselves. But why?
I say it’s because, as lawyers, we’re immersed in judgment much more than other professionals. I could not find any research on this, but I’d hazard a guess we are one of most judged professions on the planet. We live and breathe it daily. And not just the litigators who bravely face judges in the courtroom. Judgment from our peers, our clients, and, of course, our law societies which exist to regulate (i.e. judge) us all individually.
As lawyers we are trained to analyze, critique, and anticipate worst-case scenarios. We actually do the opposite of what positive psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, mysticism and ancient wisdom recommends– namely to expect the best (what we want) instead of what we fear (do not want) - since whatever we genuinely expect or believe will happen (either good or bad) usually tends to manifest into form in our physical reality. As Wim Hoff says, “whether we think we can or we think we can’t, we’re right.”
We also faced judgment in law school where we were taught how to “think like a lawyer”. To sharpen our analytical skills our thinking became binary: right/wrong, win/lose, liable/not liable. Life became transactional. We began to see potential torts and liability around every corner. This binary mindset can easily infect our psyche creating inner rigidity, chronic self-criticism and self-judgment (or what Carol Dweck would call a “fixed mindset”). Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, is a must read. In a fixed mindset we care only about being proven right. In a fixed mindset, people believe their intelligence, talents, and personality are fixed and avoid challenges, fear failure, and interpret setbacks as reflections of their identity or self-worth, rather than opportunities for growth. Those with a growth mindset focus on learning from their mistakes and they see opportunity in obstacle.
In addition to all the external judgment lawyers are exposed to, it is not until we choose to turn judgment inward that it becomes most corrosive. We then become our own judge, jury and executioner. Our external judges may go home for the night, but our internal judge is always in session. Our ego dons its robe, the inner critic takes the bench and the voice in our head fiercely and relentlessly cross examines our every thought, feeling, belief and memory. And many of us do this before we fall asleep, allowing the negativity to percolate in our subconscious mind all night ensuring we experience more judgment the next day because as the Buddha said, “what we think we become.”
As an analogy for what happens due to chronic self-judgment, imagine placing a drop of black ink into a clear glass of water. Slowly the ink colours the water turning it murky. Imagine a slow daily drip of ink (harsh inner judgment) over decades.
When our analytical nature turns inward, we risk losing touch with our inner compass (intuition), creativity, joy and ultimately our humanity.
Our perfectionism fuels feelings of unworthiness, anxiety and self doubt. Our negative inner narratives can lead to erosion of confidence, burnout, depression or worse. Internalizing judgment can lead to reluctance to show vulnerability and ask for help when we really need it. It can also create emotional distance from clients, colleagues and even from loved ones – reinforcing isolation. Thus chronic self-judgment doesn’t sharpen the mind—it dulls the soul.
I think it’s relatively safe to conclude that lawyers are judged, both externally and internally, a lot! If not addressed, that level of judgment will definitely suck the soul out of us. It is no wonder that the practice of mindfulness (observing without judgment) has been proven time and time again to be so beneficial for lawyers). Quick plug here – please join our 15-minute free online mindfulness class every Tuesday at noon. It will help!
Okay, so what’s this got to do with Yom Kippur and mental health? We cannot solve a problem we do not know exists. Simply being aware of how harmful self-judgment is to our health on every level – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually – is an important first step.
But what about the answer? How do we get rid of it? Short answer: we don’t. Ignoring reality is never a good idea. Byron Katie says it well: If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.” The solution is acceptance - choosing to LET GO. In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) they have wonderful metaphor which involves visualizing a tug of war game with a monster on one end and you on the other with a huge deep dark abyss in the middle. The monster trying to pull you in is your chronic self-judgment (or fear, anxiety, depression, OCD, intrusive negative thoughts, etc.). When faced with this situation what would you do?
Most people dig in their heels and pull as hard as they can. Makes sense. The wiser approach, however, is to not play the game. Simply notice and acknowledge the monster exists, but instead of fighting it just stop playing. We don’t always need to win. Just open your hand and drop the rope! This works because resistance only feeds what we fear. What we resist persists. What we repress does not go away. This article explains it pretty well http:///www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2021/2/stop-playing-tug-of-war-with-your-anxious-thoughts
So, psychologically, it is not about eradicating our chronic self-judgment. It exists and it happens. We cannot get upset at ourselves over it. That’s like judging ourselves for judging ourselves. It is about noticing it when it occurs and then making a choice to just drop the rope and let it go. Which means you do not fight, deny or resist the judgment you feel. You allow it to exist. You do not fuse with it, identify with it, or ruminate about it. Then you choose better thoughts which will serve you and be more beneficial for you – focusing your attention on what you want rather than what you fear. This can actually become your secret weapon to handling any negative thought or emotion.
The key point I am making here is that we always have a choice as to how we respond! We can choose soul over ego. We can choose to be kind and show ourselves compassion and treat ourselves like we would treat our best friends. We can choose to exhibit love, kindness, compassion and self-forgiveness. It truly is a choice we can make at any time and in every moment. Accepting what is and letting it go (not ruminating on it) frees up space for our creativity, empathy and joy. Self-compassion becomes our gateway to psychological integration and resilience.
Lawyers who choose to take a higher perspective and practice aligning with their soul over the ego will no longer allow their self-judgment (or the judgment of others) to affect their worth. I propose that lawyers who do this will undoubtedly become better listeners, more intuitive problem solvers, more compassionate, more patient, calmer (under any amount of pressure) and ultimately happier and more balanced and fulfilled human beings. Paradoxically they will also likely become more financially successful because they will attract more work from clients and colleagues who will want to work with them. For a deeper dive check out the book by David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender.
So, what can one of the oldest religions on earth, and Yom Kipper in particular, teach lawyers about how to think more constructively about judgment? I believe it offers us a profound teaching that judgment should not be seen as a condemnation, but as an invitation. It reframes judgment from a final verdict to a sacred opportunity for transformation. It views the most profound of all judgment, that of the creator of this universe, not as punishment, but as opportunity to realign with the Truth – as opposed to focusing and aligning with all the conflict, distortion, deception and distraction which surrounds most lawyers daily.
In Jewish tradition, Yom Kippur is the day when God seals the Book of Life for another year. This sealing is not arbitrary but responsive to the soul’s willingness to return, to realign, to renew. It’s not about whether we were “good” or “bad,” but about how open we are to truth, humility, realignment and repair. The gates of repentance remain open (even to the most unethical) because they are compassionate and merciful. The focus is on the “spirit of the law” and not its letter. Unlike man-made law, universal laws are ultimately tempered by love and rehabilitation, not fear and punishment. In essence, Yom Kippur teaches that judgment is not the end but the beginning of the realization of conscious choice.
From a mental health perspective, chronic self-judgment fractures our psyche by creating inner courtrooms of prosecution, defense, and shame. But Yom Kippur invites us to embody self awareness without shame or guilt. By facing and embracing our missteps and being grateful for the invaluable lessons they taught us, instead of repressing or suppressing them to avoid feeling the pain, we can release ourselves from being imprisoned by them. Judgment becomes a mirror to aid in our evolution and maturity as a spiritual human being, not an egoic weapon to punish us and keep us feeling small and afraid.
Yom Kippur invites us to ascend the illusion of fear. It serves as a portal from shame and guilt to grace and love and compassion for our shared human experience. Because we all come from (and are physical bodies are quite literally made from) the same cosmic source as the galaxies above. It teaches that true judgment is not about proving worth—it’s about remembering we were always worthy– we just forgot.
So, my prayer for us all, individually and collectively as a profession, is that we all imagine how different our profession might be if we embodied a new ethic, which moved us from chronic judgment to radical self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. Embodying gratitude for the opportunity to grow and learn from our mistakes, instead of choosing to punish and judge ourselves and others. This isn’t softness, it’s strength. As David Hawkins says: “Power arises from meaning, not force.”
While Yom Kippur may pertain to Judaism, the invitation to move to radical self-acceptance and self-forgiveness belongs to us all. It is an invitation to pause and reflect, not on all our mistakes, but on our essence. Let/s learn to let go, to stop playing tug of war with our inner monsters and choose to drop the rope. Let’s remember that beneath our desire to prove our worth lies a soul that is already inherently worthy. Already whole. Already inscribed in the Book of Life, not by merit, but by divine decree and design. Let’s remember to return to the Truth of who we are, why we are here and where we are all going, not just for ourselves but for each other. May you all have a very sweet new year. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful weekend of rest and realignment and return.
Inner Courtroom on Trial: Letting Go and Dropping the Rope of Self-Judgment
